So I got this in my email the other day...
Sometimes
we think we're supposed to have more recovery under our belts. Perhaps
we feel the need to impress our peers with our success in staying off
mind-altering chemicals. But perhaps we are really just trying to
convince ourselves. We know how difficult recovery is, and surely our
Higher Power is not fooled by our pretense of well being.
If we try to hide our problems, we cannot get help
for them. To get help we must tell people where we're really at. No one
can read a closed book.
Am I open with others?
Higher Power, help me believe in the saying, "Ask and you shall receive." Which left me thinking, 'Sometimes?' Sometimes? Are you kidding me with this? I think I've got it ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME. I generally have to be reminded that I in fact do not have it on a regular basis. I've been doing a little better with that lately I suppose by not doing the front line, ego building service work. But here's what I'm realizing; I can't very well ask for help with something if I don't realize I need it. I'd like to give a long sob story about how self sufficient I was a child to rationalize away at this. But the bottomline comes down to being right sized, and getting a clear picture of who and where I am. I generally don't ask for help because I'm convinced that I've got all the answers, and I'm just trying to put up with the world around me. As for the final part, I'm already pretty convinced (see there I go again) that we all get exactly what we are asking for. It's much akin to when my father used to say that I wasn't happy unless I was bitching. He's right you know. I'm MUCH happier when I am finding fault. The thing about it is that I don't mind the faults so much as the lack of ability to effect any change. Like yeah, we all know that persons 18-25 in many minority neighborhoods are not voting. I'd like to believe that if this demographic were lead to actually vote then the will of the population as reflected by our officials would more closelt reflect my own. (this is all real scientific) But when it comes down to getting myself educated, and getting active with campaigning... well thoughts make me weary, and the sofa gets more enticing and I begin to wonder what's in the fridge.. How does one stop rationalization?
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